Allow me to gush a bit.

I love Lomond so much. He is so sweet and thoughtful and I feel so lucky every day that I am with him.

On my birthday back in May, he came to the renfaire where I was working, wearing the outfit I picked out for him, and was very happy to be introduced to my friends as "mine". Once the faire closed for the day, we went back to his house and he said, "Don't come in the kitchen!" When he finally did allow me into the kitchen, he was standing there holding a slice of cheesecake with a candle in it.

My heart melted. I had told him once that I liked cheesecake, and he had made me one. Then he pointed to the table behind me and said "And those are for you." There stood a bundle of beautiful orange lilies. My heart melted even more.

Then we walked into his bedroom and said "And open that drawer." Inside, I found this:



Yep, he bought me a book with all the music and lyrics to my favorite musical of all time, Company. And inside the book was this card:



Yeah, I got me a good one.

Then in July, he and I went to New York for a week. We had a wonderful time, exploring the city organically, meeting up with my friend Schu, a couple of his friends, and celebrating our sixth monthaversary. We spent our special day exploring Greenwich Village and eating dinner at Caffè Palermo, known as the "Cannoli King of Little Italy". We gleefully declared six months to be the cannoli anniversary. Delish.

We also saw the Sondheim classic A Little Night Music, starring Bernadette Peters!



And Elaine Strich (the original Joanne from Company)!



Ms. Strich didn't stop to chat when she came out, but Ms. Peters was working the crowd. Unfortunately, I was completely speechless when I had a chance to talk to her, but she did sign my Playbill!

Anyway, New York was fabulous, but now we're back in Texas, and tomorrow is his birthday. Now I'm stressing a bit about what I could do for him to show how much I love and appreciate him. I'll figure something out.

Now enjoy some Scissor Sisters:



-PW

P.S. Lomond and I have been together seven months today. :D

[/treacle]

Basic update

I haven't posted in a while, but there really hasn't been much to say.

Lomond and I are still going strong and quite happy with each other.

Faire is going well. It feels good to be back.

Lomond and I are going to New York for a week in July. We found an amazing deal on a hotel on the Upper West Side.

He and I are also going with some friends to the Austin Pride in June. First pride for both of us.

And my 22nd birthday is next Sunday. I will be at faire. And so will Lomond. |D And I'm putting him in garb. It will be awesome.

So yeah, things are going pretty well.

And now, just for fun, I leave you with a look at what my blog would look like if it were designed on Geocities by a 13-year-old in 1996.

Enjoy!

-PW

*sigh*

Hmm, so it's been about a week and a half since my last post, but there really isn't much to say.

I went to church again this past Sunday, and I'll go again this Sunday if I'm not too exhausted from spending Saturday at TRF. (That's Texas Renaissance Festival, for you non-renfaire peeps.) Although it probably won't be as exhausting as it was going to be, since things fell through, so I won't be portraying a character that day. I'll actually be going as myself, in mundane clothing even. *gasp*

I've basically just been really busy with school and my various extracurriculars. And no, I'm not using 'extracurriculars' as a euphemism. I wish I were; then maybe I would be a bit more relaxed. As it is, I'm only actually enjoying about half of my extracurriculars at this point, but I feel obligated.

I'm also feeling a bit lost, since I'm still not entirely sure whether or not I'll be studying in Germany next semester, since I still haven't found some more money to help pay for it. I was also supposed to meet up with my future roommate this afternoon to sign our lease for next year, but she told me today that she's not entirely sure whether or not she'll be here next year. She is thinking that this unnamed Baptist university is the source of her depression, and thus she is considering transferring.

Hmm, this post doesn't really have anything to do with the theme of this blog.

Oh well. I just really haven't been thinking much about love lately. Don't really know why. I mean, I've been around some cute gay guys (including Flippy Hair, the Artist, Adam's Apple, and another guy I only recently found out was gay, let's call him Unbelievably Gorgeous) lately, since the musical revue group is getting revved up about our new act. I don't know. It just feels strange not to have a crush right now. I always have a crush. Sometimes more than one. I feel kind of empty without one.

Let's hope for better days.

God, I wish this semester were over.

-PW

A Renaissance of Love

Alright, so that title sounds like some kind of hippie mumbo-jumbo. Whatever. It's the best I can think of right now.

So I performed at a Renaissance Festival the past two weekends. It's a smaller festival, only in its third season, and I've been there all three.

So this Saturday, there was a young gay couple sitting together at the end of the day pubsing. In fact, they were about my age and students at one of the smaller colleges in the same town as my unnamed Baptist university. One of them is a culinary student who was working food service for the faire. Anyway, so when I looked over and saw two young men sitting together and resting on each other, I just thought 'Aww, that's sweet. They're happy.'

But I could tell that they had become the curiostiy of the pubsing, attracting as much attention from the patrons about as the performers in the form of silent looks and whispered comments. Some seemed to feel the same as I did. Some seemed to be a bit uncomfortable. Others were just curious. Not really a lot to say about this incident. I just think it's interesting watching different people's reactions to a gay couple acting just like any straight couple.

I've said previously that at renfaires I neither broadcast nor make any real effort to hid my homosexuality. Not that I really mind most of the people there knowing that I'm gay, and I generally give people an honest answer if they ask, but if they don't ask, I generally like to remain a little ambiguous.

So there is this family - father, mother, and two daughers about my age - I knew from church many years ago when I was a child, but our church ceased to exist when I was 12, and we stopped seeing each other. Well, we rediscovered each other last year at this very renfaire, both being performers there. Well, actually, we had had a chance encounter one year before that at the first season of this faire, in which we were in complete darkness and sang back and forth, but since it was so dark, we never saw each other's face and so never recognized each other.

Well, they as a music group have joined the same music group of which I am a member for most of our shows, except this particular faire at which we perform separately. Anyway, so I have rekindled my friendship with the two daughters, particularly the older of the two, hereafter referred to as Lore. She liked me when we were children, and I knew, well kind of. I don't know if I knew then, but I know in retrospect. Well, that and she told me today, but that comes later in this story.

Today, she and her younger sister, let's call her Blueberry, just finally asked me. After a minute of trying to answer with subtle gestures, I eventually just said it. For some reason, people never seem to understand me when I'm trying to be subtle. Anyway, Lore then asked if I wanted to take a walk around the faire. I understood that that meant she wanted to talk, just the two of us. We had a nice, long talk about our pasts, our thoughts, my 'journey' if you will, and her tendency to fall for gay guys. I think we'll be just fine. In fact, we're IMing right now.

So that's what's been on my mind this weekend.

-PW

An introduction.

You can call me Phillip Wilde. I am a young gay man, forced to stay in the closet for a handful of complicated reasons.

The number one reason is that I attend a Baptist university in central Texas which shall not be named in this blog. Said Baptist university has a nasty habit of taking scholarships away from students when they come out of the closet, and I simply cannot afford to have that happen. I would have to drop out of school, and that is simply unthinkable to me.

The second reason is that my parents are not exactly accepting of homosexuality. I know I am certainly not the only gay person who has had to deal with this. In fact, most of us do. But although my parents are not the type of people who would react violently to my coming out, I am still very afraid of how they may react. My mother has some very backward views on homosexuality, including that it is caused in all cases by demonic possession. Yeah, it's messed up. My dad doesn't really voice his opinion on the subject much, but he does somewhat frequently use the word 'faggot,' along with other comparable offensive words in reference to other groups, on which I usually call him.

My other reasons for staying in the closet are pretty much the same as anyone else's. I worry that people will think of me differently. It's really silly that they would, since coming out of the closet doesn't change who I am, just what people know about me, but I know that it happens all the time. I'm afraid of the disapproving looks; I'm afraid of people talking behind my back about something over which I have no control.

Speaking of that, I can't believe that anyone could think that homosexuality is a choice. Why on earth would I choose to be ostracized and discriminated against? It is just the way I am, and people should just accept that.

I hesitate to explore the origins of homosexuality in any way. It makes me think of the subplot in Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West in which the Wizard is trying to discover the origin of the Animals so that he can find a way to eliminate them. I honestly hope that homosexuality is not genetic as some people claim for that very reason - that people will try to snuff it out if we find out what causes it. It would really be a genocide of a different sort.

All that being said, I am not completely closeted. If I were, I would have lost my mind years ago. So here's a breakdown of how much I am in and out of the closet:

People with whom I am completely out and open and with whom I discuss it regularly:
My small group of very close friends here at school
A handful of other close friends from various other places
A guy with whom I had something going a few months ago, hereafter referred to as Lip Ring

People who know I'm gay, but we don't really talk about it:
Most of the secondary and some of the tertiary friends connected to my group of close friends
The youngest of my three older sisters
Various people with whom I did community theatre a few years ago
Various people with whom I went to high school
Another semi-closeted guy at my school on whom I had a major crush last year, hereafter referred to as Flippy Hair

People who know I am gay, but we don't really talk at all:
More various people with whom I went to high school
One guy with whom I had something going a couple years ago, hereafter referred to as Pepper

Places where I make my homosexuality plain:
Gay-friendly nightclubs
Gay-friendly neighborhoods, such as the Castro in San Francisco or Oak Lawn in Dallas

Places where/people with whom I neither broadcast nor make any real effort to hide my homosexuality:
Renaissance festivals - I've been performing at them for a few years now
The musical revue group in which I perform at my school
The general public

People with whom I occasionally discuss homosexuality, but not specifically in reference to me:
My other two sisters, who both would probably have no problem with me coming out - they probably already know anyway
Various cousins and other relatives, whose views vary
My parents, whose views are described above
Various professors and fellow students, whose views vary

Places where/people with whom I never discuss homosexuality:
Almost any religious setting
Almost anyone involved in the administration at my unnamed Baptist university

I suppose that will have to do for now. More posts of varying topics, mostly gay-themed, will follow.

-PW