A milestone

I won't apologize for my lack of updates over the past few months, because it's just that I've just been busy and happy, nothing interesting to report.

But the past week or so has been monumental. Today, January 2, 2011, I came out to my mother.

Backing up, on December 18, 2010, I finally met Lomond's parents. He had called them to let them know that I would be at his choir concert in Austin, which they were also attending, so that they wouldn't be blind-sided by my presence. The wonderful thing was that Lomond's mom then said without needing to be asked, "Of course I would like to meet him." So he and I texted a bit when he wasn't on stage at the concert and decided he would come get me when it was over and then we would both approach them. It was a little awkward at first, as to be expected, and we could tell his dad was much more uncomfortable than his mom, but then she suggested we get something to eat before we drove back up to CenTex and they drove back up to the D/FW Metroplex. Over dinner, we didn't discuss our relationship, nor did it feel like a job interview. The Lomond family just had their normal conversation, and I joined in whenever I could. Overall, not bad. His dad even cracked a few jokes. Later on, Lomond's parents told him that I seemed very nice. I think that's what they needed, really - to see that I'm not a drag queen or a rent boy, but rather a regular nice guy.

Meanwhile, Lomond has been applying to doctorate programs in the Northeast, and if he goes, I'm going with him. Of course my family would expect some explanation as to why I was willing to move across country to be with him, so I decided I really needed to finish coming out to them. On December 17, an opportunity presented itself. While preparing to go to Austin and attend an Old-Fashioned Piano Party that night, I tried to make up for my lack of a haircut by trimming the little poofy curls on my temples that I hate so much. Bad idea.



I royally messed it up and had to make an emergency appointment with Sister #3, the hair stylist. While she was fixing my screw up, I mentioned that I was going to a party with Lomond and some of his friends. When she asked, "So who exactly is [Lomond], I gave her a look in the eyes which said, "I think you already know." Naturally, she was happy for me and wanted to know more about him, said that she and Sister #1 had been speculating about it, and asked when she would get to meet him.

That was when I made a plan:
I would have him meet all three sisters while they were all around for Christmas. Then they would be able to give support and vouch for how wonderful Lomond is when I finally came out to Mom later in the break - after New Year's, I decided, when people had left and stress was somewhat lower.

The mass meeting was set for the evening of December 26, under the guise of going to Starbucks and hanging out "just us kids." Sisters #1-3 and Sister #2's husband went with me to Starbucks to meet up with Lomond. It went rather well. Like the meeting with his parents, we more or less had the same conversation we would have had anyway, with just some casual questions about him and a clear acknowledgment of our relationship. It was nice, Sister #2 talked about how good a match we were all the way home, and Lomond said that although he was a bit quiet, he felt at home, that my siblings reminded him of his cousins up in NorTex.

With that under my belt, it remained only to come out to my parents. Today, despite us both feeling under the weather, Mom and I had a relatively good day. While she was out at the store, I decided tonight was the night. I dug out from their hiding place the booklets I had gotten at Austin Pride, and skimmed once more through PFLAG's "Our Daughters and Sons" before hiding it again somewhere more accessible.

When Mom got home, we ended up talking about various things as I waited for the right moment. It didn't come until after we both ate dinner and watched Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and Desperate Housewives. She said she was going to check her e-mail and then go to bed. Once she was done, this is more or less how it went:

Phillip Wilde: So you're pretty tired, then?
Mom: Yeah... is something wrong?
PW: No, nothing's wrong.
Mom: Something's wrong, I can tell.
PW: No. N-nothing is wrong.
Mom: If you have something to tell me, just tell me.
PW: You and I are pretty close, and I wouldn't want anything to change that...
Mom: Uh-huh...
PW: But I feel like I haven't been completely honest with you... Mom,... I'm gay.
*pause*
Mom: I can believe that.

So she had had an inkling for sure. Which is good, because she would have to be pretty much blind not to. I mean, I haven't exactly been discreet about how much time I spend with Lomond. So after that was a long, drawn-out exchange of "Why'd you choose this?"/"I didn't choose it."/"God can change it if you ask."/"It's how God made me and I don't want to change."/"It's not what God wants."/"I think God made all kinds of different people and likes is that way." und so weiter, und so weiter. Eventually I said that it was just a different side of love, which made her ask whether I was in love. "Yes."/"With [Lomond]?"/"Yes."/"God has something better for you, and I don't mean a guy." I gave her the PFLAG booklet and asked her to read it. She said she would, but that it wouldn't change her mind, that her beliefs are too deep. I replied that this is part of who I am, and that won't ever be changed.

That's pretty much where it left off. She assured me that she will always love me unconditionally, but that she will be praying for God to turn my heart. Not perfect, but it could have been much worse. I still have a family, a place to live, and at least I've taken the first step. Now I honestly believe that she just needs time to think, to come around and realize that this is how I am and how I will always be. I texted Lomond, my sisters, and several savvy friends, and the responses have all been loving and affirming. I really do love you all and appreciate your support.

I'll update later when there is more to say, but for now, I'll leave you with Rufus:



-PW

Allow me to gush a bit.

I love Lomond so much. He is so sweet and thoughtful and I feel so lucky every day that I am with him.

On my birthday back in May, he came to the renfaire where I was working, wearing the outfit I picked out for him, and was very happy to be introduced to my friends as "mine". Once the faire closed for the day, we went back to his house and he said, "Don't come in the kitchen!" When he finally did allow me into the kitchen, he was standing there holding a slice of cheesecake with a candle in it.

My heart melted. I had told him once that I liked cheesecake, and he had made me one. Then he pointed to the table behind me and said "And those are for you." There stood a bundle of beautiful orange lilies. My heart melted even more.

Then we walked into his bedroom and said "And open that drawer." Inside, I found this:



Yep, he bought me a book with all the music and lyrics to my favorite musical of all time, Company. And inside the book was this card:



Yeah, I got me a good one.

Then in July, he and I went to New York for a week. We had a wonderful time, exploring the city organically, meeting up with my friend Schu, a couple of his friends, and celebrating our sixth monthaversary. We spent our special day exploring Greenwich Village and eating dinner at Caffè Palermo, known as the "Cannoli King of Little Italy". We gleefully declared six months to be the cannoli anniversary. Delish.

We also saw the Sondheim classic A Little Night Music, starring Bernadette Peters!



And Elaine Strich (the original Joanne from Company)!



Ms. Strich didn't stop to chat when she came out, but Ms. Peters was working the crowd. Unfortunately, I was completely speechless when I had a chance to talk to her, but she did sign my Playbill!

Anyway, New York was fabulous, but now we're back in Texas, and tomorrow is his birthday. Now I'm stressing a bit about what I could do for him to show how much I love and appreciate him. I'll figure something out.

Now enjoy some Scissor Sisters:



-PW

P.S. Lomond and I have been together seven months today. :D

[/treacle]

Basic update

I haven't posted in a while, but there really hasn't been much to say.

Lomond and I are still going strong and quite happy with each other.

Faire is going well. It feels good to be back.

Lomond and I are going to New York for a week in July. We found an amazing deal on a hotel on the Upper West Side.

He and I are also going with some friends to the Austin Pride in June. First pride for both of us.

And my 22nd birthday is next Sunday. I will be at faire. And so will Lomond. |D And I'm putting him in garb. It will be awesome.

So yeah, things are going pretty well.

And now, just for fun, I leave you with a look at what my blog would look like if it were designed on Geocities by a 13-year-old in 1996.

Enjoy!

-PW

Some people never change.

Last night, around 1 am, when I was about to go to bed, I get a text from a number that's not in my phone. It reads:

+1713XXXXXXX: Hey boo

I googled the area code and found that it was a Houston number. I thought, who on earth do I know from Houston who would text me in the middle of the night and call me 'boo', but whose phone number I don't have? I thought maybe it was a wrong number, so I replied:

Phillip Wilde: Who is this?
+1713XXXXXXX: [Lip ring]

(Oh shit, what the hell does he want?)

PW: Oh. What's up?
Lip Ring: Nm. Visiting [my central Texas town]
LR: Single

(That whore! He probably thinks I'm going to hook up with him just because he's single again. *gags*)


PW: Well good for you. I'm not.
LR: Umm ok just saying hi
LR: Rude
PW: Wasn't trying to be rude. Just letting you know up front.
LR: I wasn't looking for dick...just sayimg [sic] hi
PW: Never said you were. I just thought that since you established that you're single, it seemed appropriate to establish that I'm not.

(Three minutes without a response.)

PW: So how are you doing?
LR: Just drinking.. u?
LR: [blank message]

(That's not a response to "how are you doing?", you dumbass. That's a response to "what are you doing?".)

PW: Doing schoolwork.

(Seven minutes without a response.)

PW: I guess you're not going to say anything else then.

(Another seven minutes without a response.)

PW: Okay then. I'm going to bed. Have fun with whatever it is you're doing wherever you're doing it.

------------------------

Then around 10 this morning, I was actually feeling a bit guilty about how I spoke to him last night, so I sent him this text:

PW: I realize I was a bit short with you last night, but you should know why. You didn't exactly treat me well in the past.

I didn't get a response, but I figured maybe he was just still asleep. Later, a bit after 1 this afternoon, I send him this:

PW: If you want to mend this bridge, I'm willing to cooperate, but you have to make the first step.

And I meant it. I'm tired of being bitter. If he would just bloody apologize, show some damn remorse, I would forgive him. Certainly not forget, but at least maybe then I could stop caring about what he did. I thought I had already gotten to that point, but hearing from him again brought back all those old desires to kick him in the crotch.

When it got to be almost 6:30 this evening, it seemed pretty clear that he was ignoring my texts. Typical. So the last thing I sent him said:

PW: Gone back to your old standard of ignoring me, I see. Let me know when you're done behaving like a three-year-old.

------------------------

So basically, he's still the same asshole he always has been. Maybe some day, he'll realize that and cut it the fuck out. Not likely, but a boy can dream, can't he?

So glad that Lomond is sane. I wish I hadn't had to turn down several invitations to go out with him this week, but I am buried beneath an entire mountain range of schoolwork, and being the thrice university graduate he is, he understands. Hallelujah!

Now for sleep. I am determined to dig myself out from underneath this crap by the time I go to bed on Monday.

-PW

A return and some pleasant news

Well, it's been a while, hasn't it?

In the postscript to my last post, I alluded to something having happened. Well that happened and quickly fizzled out. Let's just call the guy "Pendejo" and move on.

Anyway, January rolls around and I join a different, much more reputable dating site, one that measures compatibility and all that crap. No, not that one. A free one without discriminatory policies. Within a week, I was talking to about five or six different guys with varying rates of seriousness. Eventually, one who actually was in my town suggested we meet for coffee. I was a little wary and not really sure how interested I was in this guy, particularly because he was six years older than I am and did not seem to photograph well. But not wanting to be rude, I made myself look all purty and scheduled a coffee date at the local coffee shop on the edge of campus, about three hours before my German class, so I could have an out if I wanted one, but we could also have a decent amount of time to talk if we hit it off.

Well, we hit it off. That first coffee date was a little awkward, but it's always a little awkward meeting someone new, especially when you're both semi-closeted gay men trying to keep a low profile at a coffee shop frequented by students and professors from the unnamed Baptist university of which I am a student and he is an alumnus. We both ran into people we knew, at which times the other just stood there quietly. Hanyway, so it turns out that we have rather similar interests. We both love music and languages, but while I chose to focus on studying languages, he focused on music. He holds a BM and an MM from the unnamed Baptist university. And an MDiv, but let's not get into that right now. He has also now applied to an MA program in French at a certain large state university in our state's capital. So yeah, he's definitely an educated guy.

And I know this sounds a bit rush-y, but four days and three dates later we each had our first boyfriend. He's a bit of a late bloomer, which makes the age difference not seem like as big of a deal. So we've been together for two and a half months now. He's met my best friends; I've met his. We're both busy people with wonky, unbalance schedules, so we don't get see each other every day, but that works just fine for us. It keeps us both from getting to clingy. We do have some sort of contact every day, be it a phone call, text message, or Facebook whatever, but at this point, we don't really need to see each other every day.

When we are together, we talk about music, languages, politics, and our lives, interspersed with beer, wine, food, clever Britcom, beautiful Danish films, and various amorous activites. It's always a pleasant experience.

So yes, I have a boyfriend, and for the purposes of this blog, he shall be called "Lomond".

In other news, I am buried beneath a mountain of schoolwork, trying to dig myself out in order to graduate. I'll be fine. Just thought I'd

Now I leave you with a video of the song "Prom Tonight" from the 2001 comedy classic Not Another Teen Movie, because it's been stuck in my head all damn day.



You may recognize a few actors who later went on to a good amount of fame, namely Chyler Leigh of Grey's Anatomy, Chris Evans of the Fantastic Four, and Jaime Pressly of My Name Is Earl. See? Good things can come from doing a silly parody film.

Goodnight, all.

-PW

Pardon the vulgar metaphor...

But life is kind of shitting all over me right now.

But since I'm the idiot who positioned himself directly beneath life's ass, I have no one to blame but myself for the steaming pile in which I am currently lying.

Not going to go into too much detail, but basically I'm a dumbass who constantly repeats the same dumbass mistakes. I still have my hopeful outlook that things will eventually be better, but right now I have a lot of self-inflicted life-feces to wade through before that can happen.

Don't worry about me, though. I'll deal with it like I always do.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

-PW

P.S. - Since my last post, there actually has been an event in my life relevant to this blog's original theme, but I don't feel like blogging about it right now. I'll tell y'all about it once I've gotten some sleep and had a few beers.

Thoughts of the Future

Yesterday, I was in the car with my Mom. She was taking me back to my apartment after spending a few hours at her place. We weren't really talking much. It wasn't an awkward or uncomfortable silence. We were just tired.

Then, in my head, I started thinking about how I should come out to my Mom.

Mom, we need to talk. You're not going to like what I'm about to tell you, but there's nothing you or anyone else can do to change it...

Thankfully it was dark, so she couldn't see how red my ears got just at the thought of it. I wanted to say it right then, but I knew that was a terrible place and an inconvenient time. So I still don't know when I will come out to Mom, but at least I have decided how I'm going to start it.

Sorry this isn't a very interesting post. I just felt the need to put it down in words. And it's not like I have that many readers anyway.

-PW