Sunday, October 25, 2009

Thoughts of the Future

Yesterday, I was in the car with my Mom. She was taking me back to my apartment after spending a few hours at her place. We weren't really talking much. It wasn't an awkward or uncomfortable silence. We were just tired.

Then, in my head, I started thinking about how I should come out to my Mom.

Mom, we need to talk. You're not going to like what I'm about to tell you, but there's nothing you or anyone else can do to change it...

Thankfully it was dark, so she couldn't see how red my ears got just at the thought of it. I wanted to say it right then, but I knew that was a terrible place and an inconvenient time. So I still don't know when I will come out to Mom, but at least I have decided how I'm going to start it.

Sorry this isn't a very interesting post. I just felt the need to put it down in words. And it's not like I have that many readers anyway.


Monday, October 12, 2009

A smile and a sigh

I just realized that the day after my last post was this blog's first birthday, so happy belated birthday to this silly little outlet of mine.

But the reason I'm here is that it's National Coming Out Day. I am so glad that we've come so far, that we have a day dedicated to being open and happy with who you are. I am sad, however, that we still have so far to go and that I have to let another National Coming Out Day pass me by without any bold action on my part.

It's not that I don't want to, but well, y'all know why I can't.

But I'm content enough with my current situation: out to some, in to others. It's just until I graduate anyway. In the meantime, I need to focus on my schoolwork - reading, writing, researching, studying, taking the GRE, writing my thesis, applying to Master's programs, and so on.

I still don't know when and how I can come out to my parents, and I know I can never be truly out to the world without being out to them. That's another big hurdle. What I've always said is that I would come out to my parents once I lived in a different town. Hopefully, I will be this time next year, at grad school somewhere.

For now, all I can do is just dance.

Live your life and love it.